I would like to start this new experience in my life looking back. The first think I can this is WOW. I'm really proud of myself. Doesn't matter the difficulties I found in my journey, I always found a way to follow.
I was born in Mallorca, a Mediterranean and Spanish island, and I lived there all my childhood.
When I was 17 I had the opportunity of going one month to live in Florence, and of course, I did it!
A few months later, still with 17, due to some personals problems, I decided to move to Madrid, where I had a great opportunity for my future career.
In Madrid, I spend two years studying IT while I was working in an amazing company. After that, I decided that I wanted to change my career and I started to study Audiovisual Communication in the university. At the end of the second year I was really depressed, I was not feeling that I was going in a good way so I just change my degree and I move to Scotland, where I'm right now studying Events Management.
I'm more happy of what I had never expected. I love my university: the teachers are awesome and I'm really happy of learning thinks I like and I finally feel that I found my path to my future. I can't be happier here, where every day I have the chance of meet new people from around the world.
But regret of this great lifetime I'm having I know that home is where the heart is, and my heart will always be with my family.
your story is really interesting celia. We are actually shaping ourselves through intercating with the world. so, keep it up.
ReplyDeleteSome feedback are as follow:
- your introduction creates interest, but a title is missing!
- Conclusion does not summarize main points.you can write a better one.
- the body paragraph is clearly stated.
- Logical progression of ideas. Transitions are present equally throughout essay.
- Writing is clear and sentences have varied structure. Diction is consistent.
-Content: I was not feeling that I was going in a good way (rephrase it).
The change of meet (rephrase).
- organisation: you can expand you conclusion.
- Vocabulary: still with 17 (wrong word"with").
Language use: A few months later ( Article disagreement)
I just change my degree and I move to Scotland,( Tense errors "change" "move".
I always found a way... (Tense error"found")
I am more happy (Missing word).
thinks (wrong word).
Doesn't matter the difficulties (Missing Subject).
The first think (wrong word).
- Punctuation:
(When I was 17 I had the opportunity of going one month to live in Florence, and of course, I did it!)
(due to some personals problems,...) capitalisation
(I spend two years studying IT while I was working in an amazing company).
At the end of the second year I was really depressed, I was not feeling that I was going in a good way so I just change my degree and I move to Scotland, where I'm right now studying Events Management. (try to reconsider Punctuation).
Hi Traveller Kittie,
ReplyDeleteYou have a nice looking blog, I like the use of your personal pictures to create a chronological map for your story. The language you are using is simple and understandable, but when writing about an event or an experience in the past, it is preferable using the past-simple tense and stick with it.
your writing style is quite interesting and enjoyable, yet it lacks some conjunction between the ideas.
in sum, it is a great story, and you should be proud of yourself.
Good morning Kitty!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations for your piece of writing! It is well structured and very interesting. As Ahmed said, adding pictures gives another dimension to your article and we can easily follow your progression.Yet, there are some grammtical mistakes.
Thank you very much for your contribution :)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWell done Celia!
ReplyDeleteI agree,with both Ahmed and Maera, that posting your pictures and narrating the events that happened in your life chronologically was an excellent work.
There are some sentences that you need to rephrase along with some spelling mistakes you need to correct.For example, you said in the first line :The first think I can this is WOW. thing not think.
Thank you for letting me know you through this piece of writing.